i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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