How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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