it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
