I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
