Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
