I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
