I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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