i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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