if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
