Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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