Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
