i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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