I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Every concussion has its silver lining
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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