Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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