I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Randomize
