whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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