i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
