Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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