I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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