party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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