okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
