My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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