Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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