I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
