Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
