When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
