I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
