So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
