I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i drank out of a bidet.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
