Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He? As in you personified your dick?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
