i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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