I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
