Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
