if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
