I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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