A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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