Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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