You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize