I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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