I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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