omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
did i walk over a car last night?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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