erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Houston, we have a squirter
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
