the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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