Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
