I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize