With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I think i got beer on your cat.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
