yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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