All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
