My hand turned me down
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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