you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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