you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
