Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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