Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
