i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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