so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
