I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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