Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
