I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
