There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
