What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
