we're chasing vodka with high fives
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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