Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
