Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
