Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
