Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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