Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
