girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
